Heartbreak, by oxford definition means ‘overwhelming distress’. Other definitions consist of ‘changes in perception of love’, ‘Crushing feelings of grief’, ‘Dull ache’.
Hey lovelies, today I want to talk about heartbreak as I believe it is one of the most gut wrenching and extreme feelings humans are capable of. It’s complicated, messy and sometimes it can even be scary. It’s often an incredibly intense and overwhelming experience so let’s explore how we can navigate through these potentially life changing events like breakups and learn to cope with heartbreak together.
Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that scientifically, we humans have the ability to heal and move forward from past experiences. The timeline for healing can vary from weeks to months, or even years, depending on the situation’s impact. This is why it is important to note that it’s completely okay if you’re not over something as quickly as you expected. Don’t be too hard on yourself for the emotions you’re still processing. Sometimes, feelings can resurface suddenly, without warning but that’s all part of the healing process – it comes and it goes. It’s only natural to have lingering emotions for someone with that you’ve spent a lot of time with and developed a connection and with – they have occupied a major space in your thoughts for so long.
A huge part of moving on is accepting things for what they are. Stop fighting what feels like a losing battle. Don’t convince yourself that you’d rather feel the hurt and still have some attachment to someone, than feel nothing at all. It’s not healthy. Bare in mind, your mindset is extremely distorted because of the love and emotion you have towards this person. Think back to when you first knew / heard of them – they didn’t have this much of an effect on your emotions at that time. Consider this, they’re just one person in the whole world amongst so many others.
A big factor of heartbreak can be the messy, unknowing stage of what to do with your relationship / situationship. Sometimes heartbreak doesn’t have to come from a breakup, it can be when you’re longing for someone to want you or treat you correctly. Your answer of whether to stay / continue with someone like this lies in this theory; PEOPLE WONT CHANGE FOR YOU IF THEY DON’T WANT TO. Think about it. It’s a tough pill to swallow but if someone truly cared for you, loved you, wanted you, they would never risk losing you. I feel like sometimes people treat you the way they feel about you. And that how you love yourself teaches others how to love you. For example, if you don’t show much self respect and continue to make that clear by allowing people to disrespect you, they just won’t stop. Granted, these aren’t great people and you deserve better. That’s why you should move away from them. Put your time and energy into something else. I can promise you that it’ll be better for you in the long run. As hard as it is. Walking away from someone still being so in love with them, simply because you feel like you have to, is one of the worst feelings in the world. But one of the best. Accept that you won’t be healed right away. It will take time to build yourself back up again. That’s okay. You will learn so much from all of the pain in your life. So much that will teach you how to become the best version of yourself which will make you thankful for the hard times.
Another major factor in heartbreak is comparison. Never compare yourself to others. It’s so easy these days to get lost in a minefield of competition online wondering if you looked like the other pretty people, would he / she stay. Social media is a platform for portraying your ideal life for people to admire. It’s not real. You see the highlights of people’s lives. More often than not, you’d find that half of the people you may dream of looking like, feel pain and upset just the same way that you do. Another thing social media has caused is more access to continuing the contact with an ex. We are so exposed to seeing photos / content that has the potential to make us feel feelings of jealously and upset. You have access to viewing someone’s life, that you should be detached from. It’s so natural to be curious, you just really do have to fight it. This is why it is so important to cut contact. Seriously. You cannot heal as well if you’re constantly viewing this persons life and what they’re up to. This even involves knowing they are viewing your posts. Don’t post things for them to see or be basing your posts on how you think they’ll view them. Just remove, mute, whatever you have to do. This is just going to make them linger in your mind for longer. You don’t need to talk to them anymore. I understand this can be extremely hard, especially when there may be so many unresolved issues between you and unspoken conversations – but things end for a reason. And you’ll never get over something if you keep going back to it. Sometimes these conversations just don’t need to be had – your silence is their answer.
I understand that heartbreak can be a knock on effect of many other things like insecurity and becoming guarded. Sometimes the way people hurt us can lead us to never want to risk the feeling again – never letting yourself fall in love again. Having a guard up to an extent is good. It’s good to have your wits about you and not dive head first into anything. But please don’t let your heartbreak make you push people away or lose respect for yourself. And most importantly, please don’t let it make you destroy potential new relationships you may be beginning. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone so perfect for you, but feeling in the back of your mind that you just can’t give yourself to the relationship – that you’re too worried to let somebody in. Not everybody is out to hurt you. If this is the case, it might be wise to step away from involving yourself with new partners, and to focus on yourself for a while. Get yourself to the place you want to be.
Truly, your best choice will be to focus on yourself and prioritising self love. Spend time with the people who love you. Keep yourself occupied and set future goals. Never ever sit alone basking in tears and sadness running through memories or the ‘what ifs’. Because if it was meant to have been, it would have. Understand that there are eight billion people on this earth. This person is extremely minuscule in the grand scheme of all the people you will meet throughout your life. Think about the random people you see online in relationships. You don’t feel any love for either of them but the emotions they feel for each other are so deep – a bond they’ve built up over time that once didn’t ever exist. This proves you had a life before your heartbreak, you will have one after.
Listen to the repetitive clichés. ‘Time will heal’, ‘There are plenty more fish in the sea’, ‘They’re not worth it’. Clichés became clichés because they were overused, right? But they’ve been overused because they are true. I know sometimes it can feel like people are dismissing your heartbreak as every other heartbreak. And it feels disappointing because it feels like you’re being misheard and misunderstood but the people that love you just want the best for you. Obviously they can’t completely feel the love for the person that you do but they can empathise. Please confide in the people you love. It’s so important to speak up.
Realistically, your experience is unique in its own way and you’re the one who knows the way you feel the best. I just really encourage you to view it for what it genuinely is and to consider that you will have a distorted view on this person because of the emotions attached. Once those emotions are removed, you will come to realise the reality that he / she is just another ordinary person like everybody else and you can live without them.
Mindfulistic 
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